Saturday, June 16, 2007

Ass Clown Knitter


In case you haven't picked up on this fact yet, the A.D.D. Knitter has the maturity level of a 13 year old boy. Yes, I think terms like 'ass clown' are funny and I can't help but being incredibly amused with myself for using such nonsensical, vulgar expressions, especially when using them to describe myself. Because really, what other term would you use to describe someone who casts on for the February Baby Sweater with merely two skeins of Koigu held together? (Douche bag maybe, but I've already used that term on this blog, much to the dismay of my mother who told me to grow up). And lest you think that ordering more from Purl is an option, let me also go ahead and mention that I wound these skeins of Koigu over a year ago and have permanently misplaced the ball bands. There is no way I'm going to to have enough for this sweater, unless maybe I go for a cap sleeve modification, which would earn free style points but be totally impractical, right?

This weekend I was reading the class descriptions for Stitches East and one of the concepts of a class is now resonating loudly in my ears. The course is about properly planning for projects and warns that "most mistakes are made within the first 20 minutes of a project, learn how to avoid such errors", etc. Hmm, I'll have to see if that would be worth my precious time. As Tween Thing would say: "Duuur!"...

Well, I'm going to go as far as I can on this baby (i.e. drive it 'til the wheels fall off, so to speak) and hope that I can put my hands on some more Koigu in the near future. If any of you have an idea about the precise color way, that would be a huge help. Other suggestions would also be welcome. It's a shame because I am enjoying the pattern and continue to love the utter simplicity of the EZ touch.

FYI: The Blogger Destash for Cash is dead, long live the Wordpress Destash for Cash! No sooner had the terrible news of the former's demise come down from on high, than had
the creation of the latter been announced. Hooray!

Kenric update: He's made three more purses in the last week. Now I
really feel like a you-know-what...

38 comments:

tiennie said...

You know what's even better? Ass hat! What the hell? I haven't a clue what it means but I like to say it!

Terhi said...

The sweater looks lovely! Maybe you could use the Koigu for the garter stitch parts, and use another yarn (pink or purple perhaps) for the lace. I've seen at least one of these sweaters done like that, and it looked really nice.

Yarnhog said...

Heck with it. Switch to a totally different yarn halfway through. Everyone will think you're creative and original, instead of brain-dead and disorganized. Trust me. I know whereof I speak.

kim said...

I've been using "ass clown" ever since I first saw "Office Space" - love it! For what it's worth, the sweater was looking very pretty.

And Kenric, well, he's pretty amazing!

iSeL said...

Ha! Your mom told you to grow up?! That is hilarious.

Hope you find that Koigu...the world of Koigu colorways can be so confusing. Which sucks, because the sweater is looking adorable.

sophanne said...

You know, there is something to be said for a baby vest.

Every now and then I make up something along the lines of ass clown and then ask my husband to give it a go on the railway (he's a conductor for coal cars). I can usually get him to say it out loud with his Brooklyn accent but I don't think it ever makes it out of the house!

Kirsten said...

Oh but that Koigu is gorgeous for the February baby sweater. Since I am a member of the Ass Clown Troupe myself, I would knit blindly on hoping that somehow the problem would resolve itself.
I'll be in Purl this week. If I see anything that looks vaguely like it I'll let you know.

Jen said...

My mom still tells me to "say thank you," which very nearly sends me into a teenage rage of, "uuh, I was goooing to! Geeze!"

I have this image of you knitting that sweater in the back seat of the car while Kramer and that Saab dealer are trying to drive until the gas runs out. Did you ever see that Seinfeld?

Dawn said...

hey! thanks for the comment on my blog about my first pair of socks! I celebrated today and went and bought my very first "real sock yarn". So we'll see how they turn out!

I added you to my link list so I can come back and see your amazing projects. I found you through the Irish Hiking Scarf project. Which I also just finished after 6 months.

pamela wynne said...

Aw, and the jacket was looking so pretty! I like Terhi's idea of finding a complimentary solid for the lace and using the variegated for the garter stitches. Ass Clown is a classic. :)

Sonya said...

Such a cute sweater! I agree with Yarnhog; just change to a complementary colorway and call it a design. I do like ass clown. Lately the words of choice around here have been the classic dumb ass. It's a classic because it really says it all.

Octopus Knits said...

Holy cow, Kenric! (Although, might I suggest he try a different type of project...)

You could get a similar color of Koigu (or a totally different one, or some other yarn) and just switch to the new color part way through for a bi-color baby jacket (if you were fancy, you could make the same transition on the arms). Or try Terhi's suggestion and do the lace parts the different color (though it looks like you've already started them).

Dove Knits said...

I'd use the Koigu for the yoke, cuffs, and hem, and do the rest in a different, solid color.

amanda cathleen said...

sounds like Terhi has a good idea

ass clowns! *L* too funny

Zarzuela said...

LOL!!! You could always do the sleeves in a complementary colorway of koigu a la Ribby Cardi or something. I love your sense of humor. :)

Jessica

Romi said...

Heeeeee. I must admit to thinking the term is pretty funny, myself. :) How about doing contrasting colors on the sweater?

Tricot Treat said...

I agree with those who say you should consider using a second yarn for the garter stitch areas: yoke, cuffs, hem, button band. Koigu makes solids. You could choose one that compliments the variegated colorway you're using. If you stick with Koigu, you shouldn't have any gauge issues.

schrodinger said...

Ass Clown!! funny. Thanks for the link for the new destash - I'm impressed there was a new one up so fast.

Laura said...

Oooh, it's so pretty! I would definitely follow Terhi's and doveknit's suggestions. That would look completely intentional. Not like an ass clown at all. :)

Diana said...

I'm stuck in the bathroom humor stage, too. Any nasty word makes me smile or laugh! Love Ass Clown, and I just may have to add that to my vocabulary.

Nothing short of a brain transplant would help me out when planning a knitting project. I like starting the project half-ass and flying by the seat of my skid-marked undies. Isn't that more fun than taking a class and learning how to plan a project?

Love the color of the baby sweater, but don't know the colorway.... sorry

sophanne said...

So mostly even though I don't expect a new post, I keep clicking back so that I can be surprised and laugh at "ass clown." Don't have much to say but that is making me laugh!

Veronique said...

I made a february jacket with 2 colors: red for the collar, sleeves, and lower edge, and brown for the body. If you want to stick with your Koigu, you can mail me a snippet of the yarn, and I'll go to Purl! I once bought yarn for a sweater there, and once I actually started knitting (over a year later), I ran out of yarn. But they still had the same colorway! You never know...

gray la gran said...

i don't have the attention span to read the previous comments, so forgive me if i repeat something :)
one of my favorite immature vulgarities is using the combo of butt & ass together ... like butt-ass naked ! then, i snicker like a teenage boy :)
in regards to the sweater problem, i think two skanks of koigu would be lovely for a pair of BFF socks (cookie a. pattern on her blog)!
sockens make everything better!
and thank you for the wordpress destash tip. i hadn't checked destash in a long time ... saw it yesterday, and saw it was dead. oops. i am often tardy.

Gingersnaps with Tea... said...

So calling yourself an "Ass Clown" does not make you one, sorry to say. I'm not big on planning myself. I would say, find a complementary colour and work it in where ever it looks like it's suppose to be there. And for the record, my current favourite saying is "box of hair" as in dumber than a…

Sarah said...

Ass clown—does have a certain ring to it.

Faith! said...

Ass clown? Do you realize how many knitters you've just inspired to start using that word more? You've got at least this one on board! Heavens.

Gingersnaps with Tea... said...

Oooh, other phrases that I quite enjoy working into my daily conversation (can't wait to find a reason to use Ass Clown BTW) we have already got "Box of Hair" totally useable, "Dumbass" is good, "Waste of Skin" and my new favourite… "Total Drooler". I also liked my Emerald Lake roomie to be's description of "Ravening Wolverines" to describe knitters around limited edition sock yarn. CHEERS!!!

ali said...

Oh my, I've never even heard that nonsensical vulgar expression... maybe it's that I have no children in the public school system (which is where one usually picks up things that amuse 13 year old boys...) or maybe it's a regional thing... or maybe I just don't get out much...
Anyhoo- that Koigu looks scrumptious, I hope you can score some more soon!
And that class sounds oh so practical! Take good notes!

Happy knitting-
ali

Angela said...

Oh, there is a 13-year-old lurking in many of us. Today I snickered while reading an article about French Lick, Indiana. How middle school am I?!!!

knittingphilistine said...

Eeep! People seem to have the worst luck running out of yarn making those teensy little sweaters... you don't need the Koigu gelato back, do you?

robin said...

You crack me up...I apparently must have the same maturity level as I have been known to enjoy similar expressions!! At least I don't say "Yo" to sr. mgt though...(my blog post from a few months ago about our new staff accountant.)

Stitches East - I am going to both Stitches Midwest (my local Stitches) and Stitches East and trying to set up blogger meet-ups for both. I am only going to be at East for one day though (flying in on Saturday morning and back late that night). Are you available late Saturday afternoon for a meetup at the restaurant/bar across the street from the convention center? If so, feel free to let your blog readers know as well - I haven't posted yet but will soon.

Melissa said...

You are hilarious. I have the same mentality though. :)
Maybe you could call the store the yarn was purchased from and they have some kind of customer purchase tracker??

carrie said...

you are so hysterical and such a hoot. remember when calling someone a douchebag was so subversive? not anymore!

Heather said...

Well, if it makes you feel better, I love words like "Ass Hat", "Ass Clown", etc... Means we're young at heart and have a good sense of humour...right? Right?

Thanks for the forgiveness ;) It has been a crazy busy time. Stupid busy even. I can't wait til life calms down a bit. Wierd to say, but I miss the days when I was a student, working two jobs. I somehow had more time!

I am completely obsessed with Ravelry. It's a sickness, I tell you!

Lazuli said...

I'm suffering from the same "Too little Koigu + long ago lost ballband" problem... one anklet sock weights 25 grams... unfortunately I only have 22 left to finish the second sock. I smell a too-little-yarn problem here! I hope you have enough for the sweater!

Zaz said...

hello,
i am on paris tricot and saw your post. i googled and think it may be C462, here's a link:
http://www.stringyarns.com/koigu-cashmere.html
then again i don't know the composition of your koigu so it may be one of thhose two:
K432-30
K432L-33
and the link is:
http://www.stringyarns.com/koigu_kersti.html
then it may be Koigu Wool Designs
Koigu Painter's Palette Premium Merino (KPPPM)
p 200 (143) and the link is:
http://www.purlsoho.com/purl/products/yarndetail/409

but then i read this:
Kersti Merino Crepe - Multi Colors
Hand dyed 100% Merino Wool. No two dye lots are exactly the same, please be sure to purchase enough yarn for your project.

so i am back to my first thought: defrog till the garter stitch part ends and start with a solid color to match
here's a link to check the solid colors:
http://www.purlsoho.com/purl/products/yarnlist/company,8

i'd like to see it when you get down to buying more yarn for it.

in some sites they give you the approximate "normal" number of skeins you'd ned for a woman's long sleeve sweater, a kid's, a man's. you can do that or ask you retailer how many skeins you'd need. this way, if you forget to take your pattern with you and you happen to be passing by a yarn store you already have it in your head for example that a woman long sleeved sweater needs 12x50 gr to be sure.

finally, rip off till the garter and knit the garters around the cuffs with the koigu you have and the hem too.

a friend to knit with said...

Ha ass clown! I find that humourous also!
damn, i am so sorry about the amount of yarn you have! hopefully some of the comments above have helped!
(because i am an ass clown, and can't think of what you could do)!

kelp! said...

That sucks about the sweater, especially since it's such a great color. Long live purples. You know, if you bought more in a similar-but-not-same colorway, you could hold one of the new and one of the old together and the tweedy effect would look pretty damn good.