You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)

Apparently I don't have a conference talk to be writing, childrens' suitcases to be packing (they're going to Ireland for a month. A MONTH.), or affairs to be gotten in order before my own journey abroad, because I seem to have a lot of free time...how else can one explain spending an entire day and a good part of yesterday evening figuring out the Socks That Rock Mediumweight 'Pride' Pooling Dilemma of June 2008™?

See, I ordered this little lovely several weeks ago and it has been burning a hole in my stash ever since. Everything about this skein was just screaming GET IT GIRL and CAST ME ON, GIRLFRIEND. The colors, the smell (you know the smell I'm talking about), the fact that I am probably a gay man trapped in a middle aged woman's body, the disproportionate relationship between numbers of socks already on the needles and the somewhat maniacal need to cast on for more sock projects. All these things meant that I was destined to wind 'er up and start the gears turning.

Pattern-wise I went to a tried and true stand-by, the Garter Rib pattern from Sensational Knitted Socks. Alas my first attempt (size 2.5 needles, 56 sts) left me deflated and dejected by the hideous pooling and creepy blotching that we have all come to despise. Blech.

After a peanut-butter sandwich and wine-gums break, my resolve had redoubled and I was ready to attempt the same pattern but on size 1.5 needles and with 64 sts. This iteration was indeed an improvement, but sadly the result was somewhat toward the piss poor side of things and certainly not worthy of my Gay Owned and Operated Skein. Back to the drawing board!

This is where it suddenly dawned on me that I had a legion of experts with fingers poised at their keyboards, constantly refreshing their screens on the Ravelry boards, waiting for a question such as mine. These cognoscenti did not disappoint: they ultimately led me to the pattern I should have been trying all along, the RPM (cue sunbursts and the sound of angels singing). Thanks, Ladies.

Yes, these are the socks that Pride was meant to be. No horrid pooling, no unsightly liver spots, just luscious, queer-friendly spirals. And the fact that the pattern on Knitty has a quote from Dead or Alive's 'You Spin me Round...', well Sylvester herself couldn't have scripted this any better now, could she?